i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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