I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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