you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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