I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
