Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
vagina is talking i cant
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We don't watch enough power rangers
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
