They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
where are my eyebrows?
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