Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
