And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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