we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
