WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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