yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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