Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth

Fav 29 4678 1066
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;

Fav 82 1072 4596
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

Fav 4 3698 750
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

Fav 22 3092 1090
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(614): View more from Ohio

i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.

Fav 6 5201 1110
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.

Fav 7 2687 1012
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(541): View more from Oregon

And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

Fav 6 1924 1067
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(602): View more from Arizona

You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?

(505): View more from New Mexico

...it's a 9am class...

Fav 2 792 528
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk

Fav 1 177 108
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT