your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine