sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There r osticjed everywhere
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
