Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk