Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
