We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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