I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
