I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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