I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
