I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
