I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
