I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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