It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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