so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
