whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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