Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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