I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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