TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
