dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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