i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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