We won't sleep together?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
