I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
