I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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