I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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