So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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