You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
