well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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