you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
