It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
