there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
