My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
