Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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