dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
