I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
