At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
