I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
