5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We had sex on a dog bed..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
