I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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