Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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