Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
