You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
