Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
