how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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