ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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