i already hear my dad disowning me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
