I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
