and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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