Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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