Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
