A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
