girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
