I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
