this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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