So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
