she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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