If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
