her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I want a musical about memes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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