She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
