Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
