i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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