he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
