My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
