Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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