Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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