Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
