HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
