put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
